Approximately 7 AM
He begins calling…. I do not answer the phone… I begin getting dressed to leave my house
feeling as though he may come by my apartment. As I am getting dressed, he begins to send
text messages asking why I am not answering my phone. I don't answer. Then shortly after, he asks where I am and why I am not answering the telephone. I then respond with a text saying that I do not want anything to do with him, and he needed to change. His response… “ I knew you were like that”… No more than 5 minutes later, I hear a knock at my door…. I don't answer, call the police, let them know that he is at my door, and that he may try to get into the apartment. They then let me know that someone will be there shortly. I hang up, and I continue to get dressed as quickly and as quietly as I could. The knocks got harder and louder, and my fear for what might happen next grew stronger. Knowing that he has a short temper, and lack of patience for things not going the way he wants them to I panicked. I threw my car keys behind the dresser, and deleted the call to the police off my phone. I didn’t have time to get my son dressed, but I closed the door to his bedroom, asked him to wait and not come out. Then I hear the first knock on the window, a pause, and then a loud crash. My son came out of his bedroom and saw that he had broken the window. I quickly urged him into his bedroom yet again. Then I ran to the door in hopes that I could open it, and scream out before he could push my TV out of the way and get in…. I couldn’t. I got the door open, but not before he came up behind me he grabbed between my neck, and shoulder, and in one swift motion he pulled me down to the floor so I was looking up from my back. He closed the door, then walked up to me, put his foot on my neck, and made me aware of the mistake I had just made stating “Why didn’t you answer me huh? ….You F****d up girl, that’s it for you.” My son again came from his bedroom as He began to put more weight on my throat. He paid little attention if any to the fact that my son was standing no more that 2 feet away. He pulled me up to my feet by my arm, and then pushed me up against the wall. My son began to cry, and got scared when he saw that His arm was dripping blood onto the floor and asked why he did that, and he responded with no more than a simple answer… “ Because mommy is a bad girl” He told my son to go to his room, then pushed me into mine, and broke the door in the process of trying to close it. Shortly after, my son began to hit the door, and cry to get in. He ignored the cries. He pushed me against the wall, and put one arm against me to hold me against the wall, and his other arm in my face, and stated ‘Do you see this, [referring to the injuries he sustained while breaking the window] this is because of you…. You made me do this.’ I looked away. He didn’t like it. He punched the wall, and told me to look at him. I did, but it was like looking the devil himself in the face. Again, I closed my eyes and looked away. Big mistake, before I realized what was happening, he hit me. (You always figure that a closed handed punch to the face would hurt. But the truth is, when you don’t know it’s coming, you hardly feel it. It’s later, after the shock wares off that you actually feel the pain. But what hurts worse? The punch, or where it came from. )
I put my hand to my face, and silent tears began to fall... Not because of pain, but the fact that I thought to myself that I tried everything to be done with this guy, and I was still in fear of my life. yet in the midst of it all, it was like it didn’t even faze him. He looked down and realized that the glasses he had hanging from his T-shirt were no longer there. He pushed off of me and told me to find his glasses. He opened the door, and walked right passed my son who was standing at the door crying. Then preceded to the kitchen, at the time I had no idea why, but would soon realize it was for a knife. As all of this was happening, I was without a T-shirt, so while he went to the kitchen, I put on a T- shirt, and pretended to look for his glasses to stall until the police got there. He came back, knife in hand, and pushed me back against the wall…. He put the knife first to my neck, and stated “Now this is how this is gonna work. We’re gonna leave, go get all of my things, and I’m moving in here whether you like it or not.” He then put the knife to my back, and told me “don’t try yelling when we walk out of here, because you already know what will happen, and you’ll regret it”. He pushed me to start walking out the door, and I to stall, I stated that I needed to get Ryland ready…He said, “Leave him like that and hurry up… Give me your keys” I pretended to look for them, as he clearly got frustrated. I told him that I didn’t know where they were… Wrong answer. He pushed me against the wall in my dining room, and put his hand over my throat. He asked me if I thought he was playing. I said no. He then asked if I thought he couldn’t get a gun, and assured me that he could and end it for both of us. I simply tried to shake my head in an effort to answer the question he had initially asked. He squeezed my throat harder, then even harder. I began to try to free my hands as they were pinned, to make him aware that I couldn’t breathe. No use. He didn’t let go. My sight got blurry, and all I remember thinking is “This is it, and my son is watching it all…” Amidst my thoughts, I felt for sure this was the end. I have been a strong believer in God, and all he can do, but I have to admit, at this time, when my faith was being tested so to speak, it was shaking, and I actually wondered if it was too late for even God to interfere..(Again, I know that NOTHING is too much for GOD, But in the heat of the moment I have to admit, He cut it pretty close....)... I told God that If he could somehow get me out of this alive, I would never again doubt my faith. NO sooner had I thought that, I felt my legs get weak, and my sight went black.... Then that was it...I don’t remember hearing a knock, or the door open, I only felt the release of his grip, as the police made their entry, after what seemed like a lifetime. I tried to shake off the dizziness I felt as I stumbled running to my son, picked him up, and ran to my neighbor's house.. This is the first time that I am sharing the depth of events that occurred, and outside of a very few close friends and family, I had told no one. Yet I know things like this need to be said... My ex- Husband went to jail that day, and has not been released since. I was told to appear in court and testify to put him away for a long time, and I was scared to the core to sit there and recap everything in front of a Jury and his family....You can rehearse something over and over, but nothing can fully prepare you mentally for something like that.....It was what I considered, one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. Yet the day before the court date, the DA called me and told me that he had pled guilty, and a verdict was reached.... So needless to say, he'll be gone for a good while! I wasn't sure how to feel at first. I had basically been without a man or a husband, even when I had one... But now it's official, I'm a single mom raising a child 500 miles away from family, without help in any way...So even though balancing work, school, a child in school, bills, church, and teaching is enough to drive anyone a little bananas, I find peace in the fact that I'M DOING IT... I can't say that I don't know how I still standing, or how I've come as far as I have, Because I do know.... The fact is, not one of the steps I have taken have been walked alone... God's been there all along, and I can now say that I am proof that there is a God if anyone should ever need a reason to believe.... yet amidst everything that happened, I would not change anything.... It gave me an unshaken faith, and a new chance at life, and now I feel as though I'm ready to share this part of my past as I hope and pray that it can give someone else the strength to not wait until it's too late.... stop telling yourself that he/she is gonna be different, or "This is the last time." Get out before it gets that far. Trust in God, I know that letting go of someone is difficult. But sometimes the hardest things to do, and the right thing to do are one in the same.... Although this is part of my past is shameful, and difficult to discuss, It's now, nearly a year later, I feel alright with sharing this part my testimony... You never know who's reading or listening who may in fact be given hope to know that it CAN be done, and if you're hesitant cause you're afraid to be alone... Don't Be! Because you're not! ..... Take it from someone who knows! Be Blessed!
XOXO ~ C
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