Forgiveness

So it has def. been a long time since Ive posted a blog... There is so much going on right now, and I am filled with a great deal of emotions. I have no Idea what the future holds in store for me, but the fact of the matter is that it doesn't matter how far I go, or what I accomplish, It means nothing without my heavenly father here with me at my side. There is so much that has changed. In my head and my heart I have so many dreams, and I feel trapped in my thoughts, and I am really not sure where to go from here. The things I do, and have done, make me feel like I have slipped further away from God. I never wanted to do that. But what makes everything seem alright is knowing that He loves me. I mean he really loves me. He's seen the mistakes that Ive made, and forgave every one of my discretions. I can try to justify things that I have done, but In the end, I can fool the world, but the one someone who's opinion matters the most, I cannot. So no matter what, as bad as I may feel for whatever mistakes that I have made, It is a comforting thought knowing that Ive already been forgiven. Before I even ask God to. It's a beautiful thing to know that even if no one or nothing else felt love or anything else for me, his love is sustaining for me. I can only take so much. I'm only human, and I am gonna make mistakes, but if I constantly make myself feel like I am unworthy of such a forgiving love, then I can never give to someone else what I do not have. People in my life have made mistakes, and have hurt me countless times. And it's easy to say that I forgive you, But does my heart truly agree with the words flowing from my mouth?... Half the time, in all honestly, .. No. But it is only once I sit and evaluate why I feel that way, when I realize that I need to give myself time to mean it when I say the words... "I forgive you ". Yet again, how can I EVER forgive someone who's offended me, If I find myself unworthy of forgiveness?.... It's simply contradicting, and Impossible. Ive learned over time, that at some point everyone we encounter or trust or give our heart to in the end, will hurt us in one way or the other. You simply have to weigh the option of whether or not the good parts of it were worth whatever pain came with it. So in closing, there is a lot that I am faced with... A lot that I still do not know. But if I take the time to let God work, I just Might be surprised at where I end up. Someone once said, " If you ever want to make God laugh... Tell him YOUR plan for your life." .... That made little sense to me, until I realized, that You can have your whole life planned out. But ultimately, it will be whatever God, NOT you has planned, as your life is not your own. So I should enjoy the ride for a bit, and let him do his thing. Yet no matter what the outcome, whatever Ive done, or even yet to do, one thing remains true now and always.... I...We... Are forgiven.

Stay in faith,
XOXO ~ C